To save time in the morning I have taken to shaving in the shower. I am finding my new technique works well, except for one slight glitch. This morning as I was enjoying my steaming hot shower I realized I had left my shaving cream in the bathroom cabinet which would naturally necessitate me having to leap out of the shower, slop across the slippery tiled bathroom floor (risking life and limb) to retrieve the forgotten item.

I was about to make the leap when I noticed something at the end of the bath that stopped me dead in my watery tracks.    I am not the only person in my house hold who now shaves in the shower. My teenage daughter has recently started to shave her legs and there perched on the edge of the tub was a can of her very own leg shaving cream.  I reassured myself that even though the can was predominately  pink, covered in an array of fruits and exhibited a font that looked remarkably like the handwriting of Emily Bronte the contents inside would be the same as any regular male shaving cream.

I removed the top and squirted a dollop into the palm of my hand. I was taken aback by its bright pink color. I summoned up my courage and applied it to my stubble. The pinky substance unleashed a pungent fragrance that I assumed was a scientists admirable attempt at replicating the scent of fresh fruit.  The cream worked flawlessly and in no time the hair from my face found itself adhered to the high water mark of my bath tub.

All day I sensed that anybody who came within a seven foot radius of me did a double take, then paused while they obviously thought  to themselves, “Man that guy is smooth, and smells kind of fruity.”

I realized that if I want to get from point A to point B in a timely fashion, I shouldn’t plan a route that takes me through the Highland Street Fair.

During these hard times when success seems a little harder to come by and bouts of depression a little more frequent, I think everybody should be encouraged to plant tomatoes.

Nothing in this world gives back to me more for so little investment.

 ”I’ve never thought of Donald Trump as an action figure before because, he, uh, never did anything,” says a young Tommy Nagle of White Plains, New York, echoing a common sentiment among the doll’s demographic of 6-10 year olds, “but now I can’t wait to fire the rest of my toys!”

Unfortunately for the Tommy Nagles of the world, they will have to wait.  There has been a massive delay in the production of these highly sought after toys at the WTP plant that is set to manufacture the Trump figure.  Even after countless attempts, the designers of the dolls have been unable to create hair that is sufficiently unrealistic.  Even the idea that it is physically possible to replicate Trump’s hair in doll form is being called in to question by Brady Tomlinson head of Research and Development at Wee the People.

“All of our attempts have resulted in hair that appears far too life like to be believable. It has confounded all of our follicle specialists, we even had one of our senior hair consultants demand to be transferred to the division working on an action figure version of George W Bush’s dog, Barney after being continually frustrated by the Trump coiffure.  If it is in fact living, we can find no evidence to prove it. His hair is unquantifiable.”

The folks in the marketing department at Wee The People are taking another approach to speed things along by developing a sticker that could be placed on each doll saying, “Hair may appear more realistic than it actually is.”

When, exactly, the doll will go the market is unclear at this juncture.  Brad Pennington CEO of WTP released a statement stating, “Perhaps at this point it would be more cost effective to pay Mr. Trump to wear a hat…hat’s are easy.”

She then waves and cheerily moves over.

If everybody thought like this it would be the end of road rage.

I am glad I don’t enjoy giving puppies.