Matthew Taylor

Donald Trump’s rise to mega fame and stardom, launched not by bankrupt ventures and tablodic divorces, but also with the popularity of his hit shows “The Apprentice” and “Celebrity Apprentice” has fueled the demand for a Donald Trump Action Figure to epic proportions. Doll maker, Wee The People of Oakdale, California, has taken on the challenge.  And the market is primed.

 ”I’ve never thought of Donald Trump as an action figure before because, he, uh, never did anything,” says a young Tommy Nagle of White Plains, New York, echoing a common sentiment among the doll’s demographic of 6-10 year olds, “but now I can’t wait to fire the rest of my toys!”

Unfortunately for the Tommy Nagles of the world, they will have to wait.  There has been a massive delay in the production of these highly sought after toys at the WTP plant that is set to manufacture the Trump figure.  Even after countless attempts, the designers of the dolls have been unable to create hair that is sufficiently unrealistic.  Even the idea that it is physically possible to replicate Trump’s hair in doll form is being called in to question by Brady Tomlinson head of Research and Development at Wee the People.

“All of our attempts have resulted in hair that appears far too life like to be believable. It has confounded all of our follicle specialists, we even had one of our senior hair consultants demand to be transferred to the division working on an action figure version of George W Bush’s dog, Barney after being continually frustrated by the Trump coiffure.  If it is in fact living, we can find no evidence to prove it. His hair is unquantifiable.”

The folks in the marketing department at Wee The People are taking another approach to speed things along by developing a sticker that could be placed on each doll saying, “Hair may appear more realistic than it actually is.”

When, exactly, the doll will go the market is unclear at this juncture.  Brad Pennington CEO of WTP released a statement stating, “Perhaps at this point it would be more cost effective to pay Mr. Trump to wear a hat…hat’s are easy.”